Monday, February 12, 2007

The Horrible Noise That The Tree Made When I Backed My Car Up Into It

It yelped.

Trees don't yelp.

I mean, I know trees are living. Plants are living. Algae is living. Fungus is living. All that stuff has life; I know this. I learned this in seventh grade. But plants don't yelp. Algae doesn't yelp, fungus doesn't yelp. Trees don't yelp.

But the tree yelped.

I can summarize the noises made. I turned the key; clink. The car started; vrrrroooom. I shifted into reverse; thup. The car rolled backward over the gravel driveway; krrrchkrrrchkrrcchh. It slipped off the side of the driveway; vrrgrrgghhhrghuppuppuppupp.
I hit the tree. It should have gone WHUMP. But it didn't. It went yelp.

Trees don't yelp.

Dogs yelp. Wives yelp. Daughters can yelp, and so can sons.

But not trees.

Trees don't yelp.

Unless...

Well.

Last night I read a story to the boy before he went to bed. In the story, the trees came to life to help a little lost boy in the woods. Those trees could talk. Those trees very well could yelp.

Problem solved.

I am just currently stuck in that story. But no yelping tree will make me late for work. And my wife and son agree. I see them in the window of the house. They have a horrified look on their faces. They must be worried that I hurt myself when I backed into that yelping tree. It's okay, I wave to them. I smile, and I pull forward. I turn around and pull out of the driveway. Silly wife, silly son. All worried about me. But no yelping tree in a story world that I'm stuck in is going to make me late for work. I'll just stop by the shop on the way home, and they'll check it all out for me. Fix the bumper.

Wait a minute.

Trees don't yelp.

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